Me, Myself, and I

The combination of sleepless night, chaotic mind, and in the need of post something. I try to reveal who I am. Actually it’s difficult for me to describe myself, but I’m trying to figure out myself and just write it down here.

I’m an introvert. It’s genetic from my dad, I think. He is a quite person, shy, and can’t express his feeling. So am I, sort of. I only share my stories to few people I trust. I can go crazy with few close people. It’s hard for me to mingle in a new circle and I don’t really like being in a crowd. I prefer hang out with few best friends I can be happy with. Sometimes I can’t express my feeling, I’m running out of words. I don’t talk too much, I listen. These days I realize that I should be more open and friendly to people. I’m trying.

I forgive people easily. Like in the previous post, I feel this becomes one of my weakness, especially when it comes to dignity. I forgive all of them just with one night of good sleep. My brain would reset into zero blank point. Sometimes I can’t remember what people have done to me even though it hurts me so bad on the last night. I think I should sort out which kind of mistakes that could be forgiven and not. Hmm.. maybe I just haven’t found out the best way to overcome this yet.

I always prepare for the worst. This may sounds weird but in my spare times, I usually imagine the worst scenarios that might happen in my life and lost in it with all the feelings that might be created from the event. I can be so f- sad, angry, irritable, hopeless, until I cry. Though it sounds weird, but it’s really helpful for me. When those worst scenarios happen, I won’t be fucked up.

Maybe this one of Aquarian traits, value personal freedom of movement and action. I don’t like to be told, dictated, limited. Sounds little bit of stubborn. I listen to advices but usually I follow my heart most. I do what I like, sometimes without considering the consequence. From the previous cases, usually I would end up with regret because I didn’t listen to people carefully. But in some cases I feel so happy by following my heart.

I’m easily influenced and going with the stream. I know it’s not that good for me because I can’t sort out which way I should follow and not. Whether it is good or bad thing, as long as someone affects me, I will go all the way. Oh please someone tell me how to have a strong fundamental in life so I can’t be influenced easily, especially when it comes to bad things.

I let go things easily. Believe me, it will give you a big relief. I usually say “yaudah lah” to things that had happened, especially to unpleasant event. What happened is just happened. What you have to do is let it go and take a lesson from it. I don’t like to over-think something that happened in the past.

Hmm.. What else? To be continued yah.

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